B.R.T. Haxxmas 2010

Script by Autobus Prime

#1 - Prologue

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Narr: Christmas Eve...somewhere in space...

(A black-painted modular interplanetary container-freighter 
is under way. Its tail pylons are marked with the G and 
reversed arrow of Gostan Transport.  It is hull number
YF-DE-173, the "Gostan Balik".)

Captain Kahn: Freighter Gostan Balik to freighter Jinjang Joe.

Captain Imbi: Go ahead, Gostan Balik.

Kahn: Merry Christmas, Captain Imbi.

Imbi: Merry Christmas, Captain Kahn. Got any big plans?

(Gostan Balik in background. Identical freighter in foreground,
 but with decorations, and hull number YF-DE-048, "Jinjang Joe")

Kahn: We're picking up some passengers for a Christmas party
at Sideways'.

Imbi: The restaurant at the end of the universe, ah? Got to
cross some dicey hyperspace, along the way...

Kahn: Yes, all I want for Christmas is a fighter escort.

(X-wing in foreground, Delta-7 starfighter in background)

Imbi: Kahn! Check your scanners! I think your wish is granted!

Falldown (X-wing): Gostan Balik, do you copy? This is SOLO-1 "Falldown"...
Spacing with me is SOLO-2, "Backup".

Falldown (cockpit): Backup, honey! How's the ride on that relic?

Backup (cockpit): Smoother than that shaky science project!

ECR-Former (cockpit): No kidding! This one's got more wave motion than the Yamato!

Kahn: SOLO-1, who is that, with you?

Falldown: SOLO-3 is ECR-Former. He's a cruiser vec, so 
anything that can turn within a hic or two is slumming it.

Kahn: He's here to fly cover?

Falldown: Not quite. You'll recall all of those, uh, navigational
difficulties you had, which ended up getting you lost? And that
container you didn't inspect, which ended up being full of stowaways?
And the imperial entanglements, the undelivered cargoes...

Kahn: Um...I can explain...

Falldown: See, the Alliance doesn't want to see a repeat of that.
It just looks bad, so they're sending ECR-F along. He knows the route.
It's a tough one. Tough, beyond your wildest imagination, you might say.

(Bridge of the Gostan Balik. Captain Kahn, helmsman Sun, and navigator
 Tycho are all present.)

Tycho: But...navigating is my job!

Sun: Go navigate yourself to the Allspark, Tycho!

Tycho: Just give me a cup of spice, and I'll get us there-

Kahn: Quit your bickering, or we'll all get scrooged!

Falldown (X-wing) Now, captain, there's no need to worry.  
Former is just here to help things go smoothly. I'm not sure
why the Alliance is so concerned about a Christmas gathering.
I've heard there might have been some temporal fallout involved
with last year's party, though, and you know how seriously the
Alliance takes that.  In fact-

Kahn: Question, Falldown.  Where does your flight space from?

Falldown: The star destroyer Expositor!  Why do you ask?

(Captain Kahn facepalm)

-=-